adjectiveperformedoroccurring as a result of a sudden inner impulse orinclinationand without premeditation or external stimulus
exactly one week ago, god decided that this is not the way my life here should end,
but rather it was the way it should begin, again. lesson learned: be grateful for all i have and simply to just remember to keep breathing.
lately, ive been living my life as if i am invincible. nothing can stop me, or get in my way. im twenty years old, in college, living way away from home, and to be honest nothing is more self-gratifying to me at the time than being nothing but one hundred percent spontaneous. last tuesday when in the shower [where i do my very best thinking] and after not seeing boy for pushing six weeks, i decided to be spontaneous and make the little twohour roadtrip to see him. it was going to be fun, a good couple hour drive for me to listen to my new playlist and then id just drive back that night, carry on with my life the next morning. twenty miles before i made it: blackice. 65mph. little scion. snowbank. 50ft cliff. rolledfourtimes. broken windows. disappearing middle consul. climbing out of sunroof. towtruck. TOTALED CAR= first c&t reunion in almost sixweeks via private police escort to price. but whoknows how, somehow, i am onehundred percent okay, little back/neck pain every once in a while but honestly? the only way i can explain this is god. he was there literally cushioning my fall making sure that i made it out alive. there was a reason i was not supposed to die that night. as i was sliding towards the edge of the snowbank, i had time to think and ask myself if id lived a good life? have i tried my hardest to be a good person? crazy what your mind does when its preparing you for death.. now the big question is what was it that i am supposed to do with my life? what would i or can i contribute to this world thats important enough to save me from an accident like that?
now its time to find out. as im driving around my rental-car caddie. hahh
i know ive said and done alot of things i probably didnt mean, but thanks to this, now i know its not too late to take them back. i know it now, but i wish i would have known before, because it was almost too late. i never knew what i have.
Important lessons: look carefully, record what you see.
Find a way to make beauty necessary; find a way to make necessity beautiful.
— Anne Michaels, Fugitive Pieces
everything happens for a reason.
now its my job to take a second to slow down the pace of life. sit back take notes, find out exactly what that reason is..
in a romantic fashion, i will experiment with my fear right before his eyes. every smile that is unveiled will be soaked in my nervous charm. then ill say, "is everything alright? theres been some things ive been meaning to let go of tonight." and he will say "everythings just fine, you can put an end to your worrying mind." and then, our lips will collide. the winter sky will then bare witness, to a brand new chapter with torn up pages. i proceed to run my fingers through his hair, sending my unsuspecting body into shock. forget everyone whos jaded. they dont matter and i dont care.
then i would say, "would you like to go inside? and forget the world and rules by which we are to abide?" and he will say "theres nothing i want more", as we step into the room, turn off the lights, and close the door. brash and hopeful that my luck will not perish tonight. to be completely honest, youre not like all the rest.
smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles, when the world is hers, and she held your eyes. out in the breezeway down by the shore, in the lazy summer. she pulled you in, bit your lip, and made you hers. she looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer. she combed your hair, kissed your cheek, made you feel better than youd been before. told you bad things, you wish you could change. then she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry as she lay in your lap; and she said "nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer". but youve already lost, when you only had barely enough to hangon. and you held her looser than you would have if you ever could have know, somethings tie your life together, slender threads and things to treasure.. days like that should last and last.
i was proved right, the past four months were busy busy busy, too busy for me to be able to blog a single time even. now that im back in california, the holidays and finals are all done with its been good to be able to take a second to relax and spend time with the family and friends.
heres a little much needed recap:
18 credit hours. kicked my buttt. hours and hours spent in the library everyday monday thru thursday. i told myself from day one of the semester, no no studying on fridays. fridays were my "christeen day" hahah. little side note:i have had a serious problem this semester taking too many of those.. semi-purposly leaving my phone at home all day. weird as it is. this semester, eventho was my biggest load yet, i did my very best grade-wise ive done all three years so far. :)
delta gamma. recruitment was the most fun thing ever, we got so many cute new girls. i love everysingle girl in the chapter. im so lucky to be a part of such a cute perfect chapter.
asuu marketing. we made a rockin christmas tree for the festival of trees this year, the night the tree was being all prettied i got my entire, yes, entire wallet (loaded with cash since i was going to be paying for dg dues that night && my car keys) STOLEN. at a charity event, stolen. karma gonna get the best of that person.
nordstrom. just good old nordstrom, still working there, selling like crazy. finally learned how to spell the name of the department i work in i remember it cuz hosiery is sexy..haha and the "s" comes before the i in the word hosiery. only took me six months to get that one down. leave it to the sexual thing that makes me remember it.
1834westminster. the best living situation. five roomates who i love and now consider sisters. it wasnt always this way tho. we had our share of annoying fights and arguments. so nice to all love eachother and be able to have halloween, christmas parties, and girl nitess. also, im getting my own room again this semester:)
so, summers finally done. school starts first thing tomorrow morning! eighteen credits this semester, working at nordstrom, asuu marketing board, and delta gamma recruitment. time to take life more seriously and forget about having anytype of a life at all. atleast i ended off my semester with a killer last couple of weeks one spent in california home with the family and ali, then a couple nights in the hardrock hotel in vegas with brooke (reunion from her sixteenth bday). california was probably the fun/funniest week ever spent. we went to the beach almost everysingle dayy. saw little wayne in concert along with 50cent, souldja boyy, young jeezy.
hahah in a limo and such a perfect night. ali and i met some boys from newyork at the beach one of the first days we went there and ended up hanging out with them for a couple of the nights down there.
we left to head back to salt lake on wednesday and ali dropped me off in vegas cuz brookes dad got us a hotel room for free at the brand new tower in the hard rock hotel in vegas and we were able to have the most azaming room/view all to ourselves. we were there for two nightsss we went around to all of the hotels and shoppped.
almost almost snuck into one of the clubs i just headed up to the front of the line with my id hoping that maybe somehow the man at the front would think we were goodlooking enough to get in without really checking.. no such luck..with brookes mom (funniest funniest night in the world) && ended up playing penny slots since we were shotdown on our crazygirl night adventure. we won $25:) then we came home and took pictures of eachotherr all night in our beds that felt like heaven and amazing too bad we both had our own gigantic huge one all alone. hah
now im here in salt lake, getting ready for my junior year of college and my first fall recruitment which i am so so excited about ahh, cant wait.
as of this summer i got the position at the u as assistant director of the marking board for the asuu (kinda like student body). i kinda got the position on accident and am so happy i have been able to do it, its been so much fun. alot of hard work and hours spent on the computer watching videos on "how-to" to teach myself adobe illustrator, photoshop, indesign.. so so crazy. i finished my first two projects this week. of which both took me prob four hours each.. and would take anyone else with any idea of what they were doing about an hour max. haha anyways lifes getting pretty hectic. one more week of emt classes at weber, finals, california for lilwayne concert with ali && beach, ali moves in, school starts, rush week for delta gamma:)
sister. indecisive. bad speller. love to be loved and love to lovee. university of utah student. still trying to figure out who i am exactly. list-maker. would love to run away and just travel forever. idealist. hold on to those i love. daddy's girl. wish i was a ballerina. fascinated by flying. hopeless romantic. quote and lyrics/junkie. wear my heart ring at all times. change my nailpolish almost everyday. never have dyed my hair. compassionate. my passion in life is to make a difference, not sure when or how but just add a little to the world. feel loved though simplest of things. dream of going to an african orphanage. someday be a physicians assistant.