Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Begin Again.

spontaneous |spänˈtānēəs|
adjectiveperformed or occurring as a result of a sudden inner impulse orinclination and without premeditation or external stimulus

exactly one week ago, god decided that this is not the way my life here should end,
 but rather it was the way it should begin, again. lesson learned: be grateful for all i have and simply to just remember to keep breathing.

lately, ive been living my life as if i am invincible. nothing can stop me, or get in my way. im twenty years old, in college, living way away from home, and to be honest nothing is more self-gratifying to me at the time than being nothing but one hundred percent spontaneous. last tuesday when in the shower [where i do my very best thinking] and after not seeing boy for pushing six weeks, i decided to be spontaneous and make the little twohour roadtrip to see him.  it was going to be fun, a good couple hour drive for me to listen to my new playlist and then id just drive back that night, carry on with my life the next morning. twenty miles before i made it: blackice. 65mph. little scion. snowbank. 50ft cliff. rolledfourtimes. broken windows. disappearing middle consul. climbing out of sunroof. towtruck. TOTALED CAR= first c&t reunion in almost sixweeks via private police escort to price. but whoknows how, somehow, i am onehundred percent okay, little back/neck pain every once in a while but honestly? the only way i can explain this is god.  he was there literally cushioning my fall making sure that i made it out alive. there was a reason i was not supposed to die that night. as i was sliding towards the edge of the snowbank, i had time to think and ask myself if id lived a good life? have i tried my hardest to be a good person? crazy what your mind does when its preparing you for death.. now the big question is what was it that i am supposed to do with my life? what would i or can i contribute to this world thats important enough to save me from an accident like that? 

now its time to find out. as im driving around my rental-car caddie. hahh

 i know ive said and done alot of things i probably didnt mean, but thanks to this, now i know its not too late to take them back. i know it now, but i wish i would have known before, because it was almost too late. i never knew what i have. 

 Important lessons: look carefully, record what you see. 
Find a way to make beauty necessary; find a way to make necessity beautiful.
— Anne Michaels, Fugitive Pieces

everything happens for a reason. 
now its my job to take a second to slow down the pace of life. sit back take notes,  find out exactly what that reason is..

xo, steen

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